Meet Aubrey
Arizona, 32
ADHD
Hi, I’m Aubrey, now a licensed therapist that specializes in working with neurodiversity and trauma, and late diagnosed ADHD’er.
It took me a long time to get here.
Growing up, I was extremely social, high energy, caring, and empathetic. But I was also extremely sensitive and appeared anxious.
I did well in school, but every single report card and parent teacher conference told me I talked way too much. I often got in trouble for interrupting and the teachers often moved my seat, hoping it would deter my chattiness, but it never stopped me. I now know this is a common sign of impulsivity in ADHD girls.
While I was definitely chatty and friendly, I still struggled with making long term friends my age. I found it easier to make friends with younger kids or adults. With kids my own age, I always felt on the outside of friend groups, not sure how to break through. I always felt a little different from others, and misunderstood.
I did well in school, but that’s not necessarily because I was paying attention and learning the information. I learned how to take tests by learning how to read into the multiple choice answers and pick the choice that seemed correct. Like many other late diagnosed ADHD-er’s, my intelligence and pattern recognition got me through school, at least in the beginning.
As I got older, school got more difficult, and it was so tiring trying to keep up. In high school, I would drink multiple cups of coffee per day to find the energy and focus to keep up. I found myself in a pattern of pushing too hard and crashing, taking multiple hour naps after school every day, then waking up to do homework and studying the rest of the evening. I thought this was how everyone felt!
As a young adult, I sought therapy, but was misdiagnosed with anxiety. I vividly remember my therapist also telling me I talked too fast. Ouch! Still, while others noticed and commented on my differences, no one ever suggested getting tested for ADHD.
I always thought I was too organized to have ADHD. I could keep my house mostly clean, I could remember appointments, and I could stay on top of tasks through sheer will and organization skills. I know now that I was just overcompensating for my difficulties.
I also can see now, the small hints I wasn’t so organized, like piles of disorganization hidden in my house, or frequently forgetting to refill medications until I had already ran out. I also felt overwhelmed basically all the time.
As I got older, I was able to keep the momentum going through young adulthood, including completing graduate school. While I was able to do this, my stress and “anxiety” was at an all time high. I continued to push through, using adrenaline to complete all my tasks last minute, thinking this was just how everyone felt. I was supposed to be stressed in graduate school, right? Everyone procrastinates, right?
My differences really started to hit me years later, while planning my wedding. Wedding planning hits on everything that ADHD makes difficult: focus, organization, time management, completing tasks, and so on. I was talking to others and realized that not everyone seemed as stressed about the experience of planning as I did.
At this point I was working as a therapist and not-so-coincidentally started working with more and more neurodiverse clients, especially women and late-diagnosed women. I know now this wasn’t a coincidence, and I was a good fit as a therapist for them because we were similar.
At age 27, I finally got an ADHD diagnosis from a psychiatrist. While starting medication has been a really helpful tool, the most helpful aspect was finally having a word to describe my experience. I was finally able to have compassion for the areas I struggled in, now knowing it’s because my brain is wired differently than others. I was finally able to find tools that work because I was actually treating the problem, versus trying to treat anxiety.
Now at age 32, I finally feel at peace and on top of life’s demands. While I still can get overwhelmed, and tasks can pile up at times (I am still human after all!) I don’t feel the crushing weight of all the tasks I haven’t done, combined with the guilt and shame of not having done them. I have routines, supports, tools, and methods for coping with my unique brain. I’ve finally been able to meet friends that truly get me. I no longer have to use adrenaline to get tasks done, and I can live a much calmer, happier life.
I also get to pay this forward and help other neurodivergent or neurodivergent questioning folks get diagnosed and get the proper treatment.
One of my favorite quotes from the neurodivergent community is,
“You’re a zebra, you’re not a weird horse.”
Knowing that you just work a little differently than others is so much better than feeling weird, or feeling like something is wrong with you.
ADHD diagnosis has been healing for me, and often is for others. If you have been considering seeking help or getting tested, this is your sign to go for it!
I recently opened my own telehealth therapy practice serving adults in Arizona, Washington, and Oregon. I work with a wide variety of clients, but I specialize in neuroaffirming and trauma informed care. You can find out more information on my instagram, @desertpoppytherapy, or my website, https://desertpoppytherapy.com/.