by: Mental.AndManic
I want to take a moment to thank my friend. My every-day person who was there for me during my darkest times. She didn’t know it yet, and may not to this day, but she is the reason I am who I am and who I am becoming.
You see, and I will die on this hill, only a person can make the choice on their own to take matters into their own hands and change their lives for the better. Only the PERSON, as an individual, can make the choice to get help. People will try their best to encourage you to do what’s right and what they believe is best for you, but only YOU can make the choice to go to therapy.
I will never forget that conversation. I will never forget the day I chose to save myself.
The people around me knew I was struggling. They could see in my eyes, in my weight, in my spirit. They could tell I was hurting down so deeply and I was on the path of depression. I put on a smiley face for work, for my family, and for people who I knew as my “closest friends” who I didn’t want to see me for what I was dealing with.
There was one person, though, who took me by the hand and told me it was okay. She told me I was going to be okay.
We had soft conversations about her experiences with therapy, and I made every excuse in the book why I was fine and didn’t need to go.
“It’s just a bad breakup,” I’d say.
“I’m not happy at my other job,” I’d repeat.
But she saw right through that.
It was one day she told me how worried she was. How the things I said were concerning. It was one day she told me if I didn’t want to change, I would be this way forever. And that hurt. Not in a “punch-in-the-gut” way, but in a “I don’t know if I’ll survive many more days if I don’t heed her advice” kind of way. That realization is what changed my life.
I was happy to know how therapy helped her. But could it really help me? I was dealing with 20-something-year-old girl problems that, in my mind, I need to get over and get through. I had no support though. I felt so alone. She was the only person in my corner, it felt, and I knew I needed someone outside of my tiny circle to help me through everything.
I called her therapist office that day to make an appointment with someone neither of us had met, and finally took hold of my own life.
Years later, I thank her for that. Through therapy, I was able to learn and realize I WAS in a toxic relationship. I WAS lacking self-worth and value. And now, it’s the other parts of my life I never thought I needed to see that have come to the surface. And I am healing.
By no means am I “cured” (lol); there’s still a lot to unpack under there. But I will always remember the kindness, the softness, and the encouragement she showed me during my lowest and darkest days.
You are not alone. No matter how hard you feel that you are, there are so many people, strangers even, who care about you and want you to know that your mental health matters. You matter. And that there is always someone rooting in your corner for you to be your best and most whole self.
My dear friend, we may not talk much anymore, but you changed my life forever. Thank you for showing me that I was never alone 🧡